I turned 50 a couple of weeks ago, and I hadn’t been looking forward to it. Being a Moon-Saturn type, I felt like it would just show up my (imagined) lack of achievement with my life.
In fact it has had the opposite effect. I’m feeling thank god all that achievement business is out of the way, it was just a youthful fantasy that I am no longer subject to, and I was never very good at it anyway. I’m free just to get on with my life now. It was quite remarkable how the new feeling began on my actual birthday, and has seemed to take root since then. Maybe when I am 60 I’ll be able to stop pretending I'm a responsible adult?
Natally I have a tight Neptune-North Node conjunction in Scorpio. This aspect has all sorts of stuff to do with karma and destiny and why I’m here on the planet. Being very watery, it doesn’t fit well with the rest of my chart, which provides an interesting challenge. How does an airy-fiery person become watery? It means that when you eventually do, it is well-integrated with some of the other elements.
It also means that I am very sensitive to Neptune-North Node conjunctions. Both – aged 16 and 33 – were times when I was having to ponder my direction. This coming one is conjunct my Sun, so it will be very powerful, and it’s happening over the next 2 months. I think it means that at last there will be a coming together of my deepest purpose (Neptune-North Node) with my conscious personality (Sun). It might even be a sort of remembering. "Oh yes, of course, that’s why I’m here."
The Nodes are the points at which the Moon’s path through the sky crosses the Sun’s path. The Sun and the Moon are the two main personal planets, between them they describe most of your personality. So these points of intersection, the Nodes, represent points of integration in which the whole of you is involved. They represent a coming together of who you have been (the Moon) and who you are becoming (the Sun). This is not an easy thing to do, it usually takes a lot of sorting and self-knowledge. But fate also intervenes to lend a hand: the Nodes are associated, for example, with significant encounters with other people that can change your life. Traditionally, Saturn is associated with the South Node, the place of old karma that needs to be shed; and Jupiter is associated with the North Node, the place of new development.
By the way, I’m not an authority on the Nodes, I worked out half of the above as I wrote it, and I rarely mention them in readings. But I think I might pay them a bit more attention.